Jesse's Birth Story

 Better Late Than Never

It's been a year and a half (2 by the time that I finished...) and I've been wanting to get this written down since. But you know... life. Things get really busy, but I want to write this down so that it's not all forgotten and someday if Jesse wanted to know the details then he could. After just 18 months, it's honestly shocking how much I've already forgotten. Thankfully I made a lot of updates on a Facebook group with some of my best friends as everything was happening. 

The Pregnancy

I took a positive pregnancy test on March 18, 2019 (my second anniversary). I'd had my suspicions that I was pregnant and was elated to find out it was true! Honestly, the pregnancy was pretty uneventful and super smooth. I didn't have really bad morning sickness ever. (Got sick maybe 5-6 times the whole 39 weeks!) I definitely felt extra tired during the first trimester, but after that felt great with so much energy. I also was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at about 11 weeks so I had to really watch my diet, check my blood 4 times each day, and take insulin every night. Though it was a bummer, it was a blessing in disguise: I lost a bunch of weight over the next 28 weeks and ended my pregnancy weighing less than I did at the start! (I quickly gained it all and more back afterward... but that's beside the point haha.) 

The Week Of

One super fun thing about having gestational diabetes is that you get a lot of extra appointments. I got to see/hear Jesse more times than I can even count. During the last several weeks I started having appointments where they would monitor Jesse's heartbeat for a certain amount of time to be sure that he had a specific amount of activity and movement. During the last few weeks of pregnancy, I got to go in twice each week for the monitoring. Because of my work schedule, it made the most sense for me to have my appointments on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

Because of gestational diabetes, I knew that I would most likely not be able to carry to 40 weeks and would probably be induced early if he didn't decide to come on his own. In the last couple of weeks, we scheduled an induction for November 11, 2019. Then on Tuesday, November 5th at our usual appointment Jesse was napping when he was supposed to be performing for the monitors. So my doctor sent me to the hospital to be monitored for a couple more hours. Of course, Jesse did perfectly at the hospital! So home I went. Thursday, November 7th came my next appointment, and once again Jesse was not cooperating. My doctor was about ready to send me to the hospital to be induced that night! (But I am a planner and did not want it to go that way!) I practically begged her to give us more time and let us just go in in the morning the next day. We pushed and wiggled and did what we needed to in order to get the readings we needed to be able to move on. Then I went home and prepared myself, and everyone else, for the baby to actually come!

The Wonderful Day

We had all of our stuff (for the three of us) packed up in the van and made it to the hospital at 7am on Friday, November 8th. We were very excited. We had no idea just how much paperwork there would be, though. After doing all the officey stuff we got to go upstairs to our room. I had heard a lot of scary stories about being induced and how Pitocin just made things worse, so I wanted to try to induce labor as naturally as possible. My first step was to break my water and see if that would help to progress things. At 9:25am they broke my water. I was 3cm, 50%, and -2! I was so excited (although I'd been at 3cm for a few weeks already)! Then I did a lot of walking, dancing, ball bouncing, etc to see if I could get things moving along on my own. Unfortunately, that didn't do the trick.

So we started Pitocin at 1pm. They started dripping it in at level 2. I really hoped that I didn't have to go to high! (Spoiler, they only had to go up to level 8!) By 4:14 I was at 4cm, 75%, and his head was at 0! My contractions were becoming more frequent and intense, and I was getting excited. At my 7pm check, things moved up to 5cm and 80%. At this point I had at least a dozen people hanging out with us in the hospital room. Surrounded by people I love who love me was just what I wanted and exactly how I wanted Jesse to be welcomed into the outside. My mom was rubbing my back in the best way possible, and my husband, Ben, was being so encouraging. Everyone else was visiting and there was much happiness and excitement in the room.

Things were escalating and I was focused on my breathing and pushing through. I was bound and determined to do the birthing process drug-free. My first nurse of the day encouraged me to have a mantra, of sorts, and I decided that Philippians 4:13 was a good place to go. So as I inhaled I thought "I can do all things" and as I exhaled I thought "Through Christ who gives me strength." Each and every time. And honestly, it got me through. A friend had just had a baby a couple weeks prior and she also encouraged me with something that helped her get through - she looked at a cross on the wall and realized that if Jesus could go through all that He did for us, it's the least we can do to go through some temporary discomfort for our sweet babies. 

I finally decided it could be nice to try a bath so Ben and I headed into the bathroom to see if that could help relieve some of the pain and push things along. I was so unbelievably uncomfortable and just kept shifting and moving around. Ben was rubbing my back and was so sweet, but nothing was helping. Decided to get out and told my mom that I didn't think I could do this all night. I was about ready to give in and ask for some pain meds. 

So my mom was sure it must be time for Jesse to come and told the nurses. They agreed to check me out and my mom asked everyone to leave knowing it wasn't long. As the nurses were checking me out I felt my body starting to push. It was the most surreal feeling since I wasn't intentionally doing it. I told the nurses and they were way more chill about it all than I'd expect. It was almost as if they didn't believe it, but they started getting me ready and called the doctor. I pushed three times and then the nurses made me just breathe through the next contraction! One of the nurses said, "I don't want to deliver another baby." And I was just along for the ride Haha. Thankfully the doctor showed up quickly and I pushed one more time and Jesse was out! He came barreling out. It was wild. 

Then our sweet Jesse Robert was here, on the outside. All 7lbs 1oz, 20.5 in of him. He was born at 9:13pm on Friday, November 8th. Little did I know how much damage this little dude did to my body. The placenta followed pretty quickly after Jesse and the doctor started sewing me up... I am sure I flinched and made a face. She told the nurses to turn up my epidural - completely forgetting that I was not using any pain meds. (And apparently, I was handling things like a champ.) So I got some pain meds hooked up into my IV and the sewing took about an hour!!! Then the crew finally got to come in and meet the sweet boy. 

We were so in love with our sweet Jesse and had to stay in the hospital all of Saturday and got to go home Sunday afternoon. Which was probably for the best anyway because I lost a lot of blood and couldn't even stand for a long time. I tried to go to the bathroom and nearly passed out so I spent nearly a day with a catheter. Wild times. 

Took me about 5 months to fully heal up, but it was all worth it. And we are beyond blessed to have Jesse. ...and it's really nice to be able to eat carbs and sugars again. 

Baby #2

First Things First

I want to start off by saying that my hope is, was, and always will be found in Jesus. He has blessed me with so many wonderful things that I know I do not deserve, but He's seen fit to give me so much! Besides His free gift of forgiveness and salvation, God has given me an above-average family (no offense, but we're the best), the highest quality friends on earth, wonderful ministry opportunities, and my every need to be met. Jesse has been one of the best recent gifts - the best baby we could ask for. But again, my hope is in the Lord. Not in my family and friends. Not in missions or things. Not in my children or my ability to have them...

The Update

By now you may have already gotten the idea of where this is going. We are sad to report that Baby #2 is no longer with us. He or she got to go be with the Creator before us. Our hearts, though full of love and blessings, are very broken about this. We had so many dreams for Baby and thanked God daily for him or her. Jesse has been practicing for several weeks to be a big brother. He doesn't understand any of it, but we are sad for that loss, too. 

I have talked with the Lord a lot about this over the last several weeks. For some reason, since the beginning, I had kind of a funny feeling about the pregnancy and couldn't get nearly as excited as I was with Jesse. This caused me to pray for Baby a lot and ask God what was going on. He has really given me peace even in the heartache. The peace of the Lord really does surpass understanding. There was only one small moment that I asked, "Why?".

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

The Answer

Immediately after I asked I felt kind of silly because I already knew the answer. It's the same answer for why horribly sad things happen every day, and it's often referred to as "The Fall." When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God in the Garden sin, death, and destruction came into the picture for all of us who were born on this earth. We live in a completely broken and dying world. We all have lied, cheated, stolen, taken the Lord's name in vain, and more... much, much more. It was not God's original plan for us, but in all His infinite wisdom He already had a plan to bring us back into a right relationship with Him. Jesus, God the Son, was and is the answer. Living a perfect life He showed us as an example how we are to live. Then He sacrificed Himself - dying in our place to take our punishment and offer us forgiveness. Thankfully, that's not the end of the story. With his resurrection, we are offered a new life, an eternal life, with Him by our side the whole way. It's a choice that we each have to accept this free gift that He offers. It is our prayer that all of you who may be reading this would choose to receive that gift. 

It's not an easy life, but it's worth it. God gives peace and walks through the tough times with you. 

He is my hope. Join me?

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock. 

-Matthew 7:24-25