Where to even start? I am just so in awe and wonderfully blessed right now. There are so many thoughts and emotions; I really want to get this all out right away. Let it be known that today, August 16, 2011, God really rocked my world.
To give some background first would be a fabulous idea. I am currently in my second year of graduate school at Northwest Christian University. I love the Lord and know that He has gifted me to work with children so naturally I thought that education would be a good route for me. I graduated with my BA in Elementary Education from NCU in May of 2010. I have been substituting since and have really enjoyed it; I know God has used me and it’s where He wanted me. But as I’ve been continuing my education I have had many doubts. Is this really where God wants me? What am I supposed to do? Why am I in class? Is this really worth all of the loans that I have to take out? I really questioned if I should stay in the program. Many people, my wonderful mother included, have talked me out of just quitting. It’s only one more year. I’m so close. The degree would be very helpful and a great accomplishment. So I figured I’d stick it out (but for all of the wrong reasons).
If you know me at all you will know that I am a very busy person. I always take on a lot, probably too much. My plate is always full… you get the picture. Well, recently I’ve heard about another possibility for filling my schedule. I love ministry, and I was told about an opening position as a children’s pastor. Oooh. Right up my alley. It has been something that I’ve been praying about and felt like I should really look into it and apply. But then, do I really need another thing? I know that prayer is very important so I have asked others to lift this up to Jesus, too. The more the merrier. And I am so very thankful to those who have. I know that the Lord is listening.
Now to today… it seemed to be just another normal day. I was complaining about class starting, summer being way to short, and just plain had a negative attitude. Again, I was thinking, “One more year, what do I really have to lose?” But at the same time I was also very conflicted. I also was thinking, “I don’t know if God really wants me to finish this. I’m not usually a quitter, but maybe He wants to show me something through doing so.” I felt like maybe God had brought about the church position as an alternative for me, something that I could do with kids. But there’s no way I could do it all! I already have teaching, school, Good News Club, intramurals, worship team, youth group, Wednesday Night Club, and more. Could He really want me to add something else without dropping something??
Well, I reluctantly did some homework and went to babysit for a bit before class. Thankfully I babysit for beautiful women of God and today I got to pray with a mom and her sick child. I really feel like even that was preparing me for what He had for me. I got to class and was just not feeling very settled. (It probably really didn’t help that I had a coffee earlier today – I don’t drink coffee very often.) Anyway, we were discussing our projects and what we had in mind. And since I started thinking about my action research and literature review I have felt very unsure. But I gave my ideas and listened to everyone else’s. Then, right near the end of class, I finally heard something that my teacher had been saying. The practicum doesn’t have to be at a school. And I felt or heard, I’m not really sure, God tell me that it would connect perfectly with the church job! All in an instant, things clicked. There is a reason He has me in this program. The Lord can use me to teach, I mean really teach, in church. Kids need more than just stories and if they have good curriculum and delivery they will take away much more than they have been. My M.Ed. in curriculum design and instructional technology will not be a waste. The Lord wants to use those things in the church, too, to build His body of believers and meet them through new means. A surge of energy filled me and I knew that the Lord has a plan! I finally know a direction and feel a purpose. Praise Jesus!
I have always know that Jeremiah 29:11 was true, that God has a plan for me, but when I can truly feel it and get a glimpse of what it is it is so amazing. Really, what a rush. J And there have been several times when I’ve said that His plan and His timing are the best; I’ve encouraged others with those words and repeated them to myself when in need. It is more than true. God is perfect. He knows best. Why do we doubt? He reassures us in His word, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:26). Such a wonderful feeling. Rejoice is all I could do. I excitedly got in my car and the song that was on the radio (Air1, of course. What else would I listen to?) was just for me. It was about 6:45 pm and Whatever Your Doing by Sanctus real was playing. I didn’t really need another thing to reaffirm what was going on inside of me, but God gave it anyway. “Whatever You’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace. And it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, but I’m giving into something heavenly.” This is exactly what was happening. God gave me a glimpse of what He has. I don’t know it all, it seems a little crazy, but I have a peace because I am giving it to Him and it is a heavenly plan. The car ride home turned into a hardcore worship session (I love it when that happens), and I am still just so overjoyed as to what God is doing.
The Lord has revealed to me a bit of His plan and I really felt that I wanted to share this with others. There are many people that I care about and want to be included in what’s going on in my life, and right now God is really moving in me and doing some awesome stuff. I really don’t want this fire and excitement to go away. I know that I won’t be on this high forever. This is when the enemy is really going to want to attack. So please keep me in your prayers. As I serve the Lord and go down this path that I know He has shown me I am going to need all the love and support that we all do. I can’t do this alone. I know I have Jesus, but I would love to have all of you as well. My friends, family, brothers and sisters, you are wonderful. Thanks so much for taking time to find out what God is doing in me. I love you all!
